As a child of abusive parents: A wish

Look inside me.  It is within me now.   It is not outside me.   


As a child of abusive parents, I spent a lot of my life blaming my parents for the pain in my messed-up life.

As a non-white, I spent a lot of time blaming (all )white people, or society in general, for my problems, as well.

What I didn't realize  is that all the "toxic parenting" and patterns of thinking and ways of being in the world that I associated with my parents was already within me.

And that attacking my parents for what was already within and part and parcel of me was useful, and, even worse, self-destructive.

In the same way,. I wish that people of color, especially African-Americans, would stop blaming others--especially white people and America in general--for their problems and messed-up behaviors, realizing that the most effective way for them to change the world they are so dissatisfied with is for them to change the negative ways of behaving by looking inside.  

Examples:  Challenging machoism, disavowing violence as a way of settling disputes, differentiating between arrogance and pride, developing a self-critical faculty, and not automatically blaming or pointing the finger at others.

The poison (hate, resentment, envy, rage, inertia, self-pity, self-righteousness...) is within me.  I need to draw it and expel it out of myself, not others.